"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
