I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
