I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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