your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
