My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
