so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize