ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
