The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
