I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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