my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
