all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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