Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Girls should come with a carfax report
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
