im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
