There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
