Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
