i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
