just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
