What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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