connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
