just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
