it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
