she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
