don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
