he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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