I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
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I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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