So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
