shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my shit smells like andre
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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