belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
