from now on my penis is your penis
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize