Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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