I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
