its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
