my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
