you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
