Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
