this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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