i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
