I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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