Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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