I just threw up on my dentist
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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