Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
