everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
