We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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