I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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