Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
