I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
