1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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