i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
