Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
