This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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