my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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