i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
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The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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