I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
