South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
