sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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