You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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