i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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