Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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