Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
