ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
