Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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