you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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