this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
