How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
