You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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