What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
