So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
