when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
