first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
