Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
well you can't waste a boner
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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